Monday, May 31, 2010

Assessing fears, pushing the perimeter, and kelly rae's ecourse

speaking of fears is really a fear in itself....no?


i am taking Kelly Rae's e-course for the next 5 weeks. and already she has given me courage to even talk about my fears and stating my goals out loud. i tend to keep my goals in the under dwellings of my soul. they are there but who am i to share them with the world? i fear if i do, i will most certainly not obtain them. why does my psyche operate this way? i'm sure others feel this too.....and its got a powerful hold over me. 

kelly rae has so gently led us push the perimeter further and toe the line with our fears one at a time. she also stated that this may take some time and i can appreciate that. it doesn't happen overnight. she is so wise. i admire her openness and nurturing spirit.


something about that girl in me long ago, is struggling to be freed. i always felt, as a child, i was a big dreamer. maybe that is why i am revisiting that child as often as i can to gain access to being fearless once again. over the weekend, i had the opportunity to visit with family and they shared something i had never seen.......me on 8mm film. i was 8 or 9. we were in my granny's backyard next to the clothesline. she had bought a watermelon and everyone was anxiously awaiting a visit from our relatives during the summer. and all of a sudden....there was that girl. someone in the group said there you are!! and i was like wait...."what?!?" i entered the screen riding on my banana seat big-handle-bar bike, dismounted like a pro without stopping the bike and gave the camera a huge cheesy grin. i had on red and yellow sneakers to go with my red shorts, and black tube socks. i thought i was something!!...ha! i then proceeded to take a bite of watermelon and spit the seeds at my cousin, Shawn who was a couple years older than me.......

i then thought to myself, i sure was a go-getter and not afraid of anything!!! i then began to think, why can't i be as fearless as i once was? is it because real life gets in the way?  is it because, "you can't get a job majoring in art, so you better major in something practical so that you can get a real job"...??

after graduating college my gears started to shift....i felt like there was something that i would be doing, a business that i would lead myself, but i didn't know what it was. were they not there all along? i think so. i remembering visiting the art gallery in college and thinking "i would so do this if i could make a living doing it" i was afraid of course. afraid of failure.

and here i am today, living my dream of being a full-time artist for the past 2 years. i am content, yet i'm afraid to share with you my goals and new fears as an artist. they are personal. kelly rae says that once you say them out loud, they aren't as hard to face. and i will do it but it will take a bit of time. and it isn't that i'm not happy, but striving for more has always been in blood. i think i'll take baby steps (as she suggested) and continue on from there.

me at five (and my cheesy grin)

11 comments:

Mrs. Spotts said...

I love this post! I can imagine you showing up on that bike all confident. It is funny how we see ourselves though isn't it, because I would say that the description of you on that bike is not a surprise at all to me. I wouldn't imagine anything less from you.

I am so inspired to start filming my own kids more. It has been sort of nagging at me lately, this post sure makes me want to capture what I see in them right now!

I love you friend, you are such an inspiration to me and to so many others!

xxoo
Lorrie

Louise Gale said...

Hey Mindy, I love that photo of you, so cute. I just read the latest post in the ecourse myself and wow...so much. Its so amazing that you are doing what you are doing and isnt it refreshing to think you once thought you couldnt and look at you now...such inspiration to take the next step forward. So fab you saw an old movie of yourself...i love that.

I too believe in those baby steps...so amazing when you look back at what you have achieved. Have a wonderful week.

tricia said...

wow. i think i am going to take kelly rae's advice too. she is a smart girl, isn't she?

i recently looked at photos of me when i was a little girl and thought some of the same things you are saying about seeing yourself in that home movie. i saw a pretty little girl in a yellow dress in one photo. for the first time in my life i realized i was a pretty child and it felt good. no one ever told me that when i was little, i only heard negative things. so now i am on an interesting journey to see what else i can see in me. :)

keep painting and keep dreaming big and keep being brave.

i have loved watching you on your journey. thank you for sharing it with me.
xoxoxo

ladybugfamily said...

oh my gosh. i read your comment over at kelly rae's and the whole time i was thinking... when did i write this? lol! my name is mindy too and i write my comments under the name mindy. lol! i thought that was so funny :)

catina jane said...

i am also taking the e-course! and i am so excited! and also trying to be brave with so much new knowledge.. i recently found your work via etsy, can i just say how in love i am with it!! the colors are yummy !

Trena said...

I love the post! I;m taking the couse as well ....I have been so inspired by not only her work but your as well..I first found out about you on her blog about the art retreat and has been a big fan of yours since then..I was so excited about your cover I went in told everyone thats Mindy like I knew you personally. Im a beginner in this art thing and i'm so glad that artist like you share this art of your life with artist like us!

patty said...

Dear Mindy, what a great story about the watermelon! You are so wise to look back at yourself and try to integrate those pieces into your life. Too bad we didn't have blogs when we were younger - everything would be documented! Anyway, I know what you mean about striving for more in life. To me its' a hard balance between that and feeling that my life is enough as it is. In fact, I will be writing about that later this week. I also totally get about not wanting to share all of your goals. I'm the same way. Love you, Ms. Mindy!!

Michele said...

Loved your post, Mindy. ☺ I find it such a relief to know that you feel this way too. You have achieved so much with your art - way more than I could ever dream of. What an inspiration you are!

Cathy {Tinniegirl} said...

I love this post, and I can so relate to that memory of having big dreams. I always remember having big dreams as a kid and then becoming more and more afraid as I've got older and told myself that my dreams are not for me. Like you though, I'm taking little steps now, and loving Kelly Rae's e-course and her gentle encouragement to reach for our dreams.

As I read Lorrie's post I couldn't help but smile in agreement. I totally see you now on that bike, looking and feeling cool, not a fear in the world. I think of you as someone who has made it, who has decided to follow her heart.

I can't wait to read more about your goals and dreams for the future.

Miss you much my friend.

Cathy
xxx

danielle said...

This post resonated with me too Mindy. I have accomplished so much in the last three months... stuff that I am REALLY proud of...But, as I move forward, I realize that I still need to dig deeper to move forward. I still need to believe in myself to make it happen... I still have to fight off those gremlins and yuckie bits that want to stick around... Some things you need to tuck inside your heart for a while and keep just for you...
Just know that I am always here, celebrating your dreams come true and sending you LOVE. xox

Jennifer said...

It is always good to continue to strive for more. To spread our wings and see where we can fly to next. I am excited to hear about your goals and see what your next adventure will be. I love you Mindy!