Tuesday, August 14, 2012

portal


This reality beckons me back but is it the truth?
with closed eyes I feel more in spirit than the waking occurrences
maybe that is all that there is
an occurrence in time that slings us through life at lightening speed
only stopping to bask when things quiet down.

why can't we ask this inner nagging voice to Be Still
to escape some time away from the "need to's" and lists
why is there always something i should be doing.
and when i do finally get there,
the mind automatically jumps ahead to the next "should"

the voice becomes a constant chatter
insisting on being heard

i believe the subconscious is more powerful
and would like to give the voice a good slap i'm sure.

once asleep my mind feels more free.
awake its is hostage to the voice
moments spent in creative work quiets the voice
sub takes the reins

inspiration is a portal to the subconscious 
the opening for the spirit to enter
when the conscious mind is in control, creativity is impossible
to create from a place of pure love.....
art becomes an outward expression of your soul.


I have been in a struggle with the voice. its telling me awful things. its making me lists that i don't want to do. its starting to convince me that i don't want to paint. i tell it to shut the hell up.... but still with the lists. i'm beginning to realize that the voice isn't real, with the help of this book. after reading a couple chapters, i realize what i must do....but its seems that now i've given this voice some attention and that night it really takes hold. i can't sleep. it even told me to write a different blog post. who the hell does this voice think she is?!

todays walk proved successful. i'm whipping this thing into shape. maybe. 
i'm mixing up the routine. i'm doing things i want to do. paint crazy free. not care. paint for me. 
dark. limbs. acceptance.

with the advice of this amazing friend, i'm able to forge ahead and realize that yucky times in your creative life will surface. and absolutely necessary. sunny girl, you are my rock. my mentor. my sister. my friend. there is no one on this planet like you.



14 comments:

  1. It is so wonderful to have someone in your life that can help you maintain balance, see your path, and allow you to be truly "you"! I am grateful for mine too. I love the little dark girl painting - she reminds me of the darker side that resides in all of us. Even the dark needs to come out and play. ;-)

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  2. Sorry you are going through yucky times hun.
    I'm just coming out of my yucky time, I had convinced myself I wanted something that was not me and am only just managing to re-surface with the 'real me' again.

    I hope you're feeling much better soon hun.

    I'm going to leave you with a quote from a book I read called Life, paint and passion' It helped me to think about it this way:

    "What we call blocks are transition times. Sometimes they are intimidating, but when you come down to it, a block is simply a time of change. Something drastically different from what has been painted is trying to emerge, and you are pushing it down, consciously or unconsciously. You feel blank because there is too much inside and the pressure gives the illusion of emptiness.
    This is the time to break the boundaries set by the self-image, to find the crack in the wall"

    X

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  3. Loved your post today! Those nasty inner voices telling us we are not good enough. We all have them!

    Love the new piece! Love that it is dark! Love that you are "painting crazy free"!

    Here's wishing you good luck in any new paths you may choose to follow.

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  4. Mindy, the world would loose some colour if you stopped painting.
    I really do relate to where you are at, this was a phase i went through until i went on your Paint your Story.
    The negativity ate away at me until i shut up my Etsy shop, stopped drawing and became lost. It was something i needed to get through and then and on the other side was a whole new world of imagination and creativity.
    I am glad you have such a fabulous friend to see you through this.
    I
    Your painting is dark and creates atmosphere, i really love it i also see it is emerging from something.

    "This too shall pass" my favourite ever quote..and it will for you am sure.

    Anyway i hope soon Tim Burton will call us up and we can work on a new animation with him...Ooo wouldn't that be the best...Dreams are great to have

    xxx

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  5. Any voice that tries to convince us to abandon our passions is one that muct be banished!!

    I'm so glad you are not heeding this voice's ridiculous inanity!!

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  6. Mindy, thank you for writing this post. You make such amazing art and are so inspiring (especially to me). I go through those feelings too. The community you created with Paint Your Story has helped me so much. I think it helps knowing we all go through those feelings and that we have friends to help us when we need it. Keep making your wonderful art. There would be a big gaping hole in the art world without it.

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  7. It will work itself out. Don't push yourself. Allow yourself to do things that are only for you...and do tell that voice to shut the hell up. You are enough....no matter what that means to anyone but you. I love you girl. Call me any time. xoxo

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  8. I love you, Mindy. I love your bravery, your honesty, your sharing. We all need to KNOW the dark thoughts & feelings & voices happen to the best of us. Keep fighting the brave fight & know you are not alone.

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  9. Mindy, I feel your pain. Been there, done that. I personally try to stay away from the Dark side, but it manages to creep in from time to time. When I moved from south arkansas to St. Louis, from having a studio to not, i didn't paint for 2 years. It was awful. I would lay on my couch and look at my paintings hanging on the wall and think "did I do that? and if so,how?" Once I was able to find myself again, I have not stopped no matter what, even in the dark times...just paint SOMETHING. it doesn't matter what! Hope my workshop will help you some on this. Love you and lets teach together!!

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  10. completely resonates as i've been feeling "stuck" with painting and realizing it's such a good thing because it's making me look at ways i'm stuck in other parts of life. allowing flow and freedom back into my paintings has opened up the rest in so many good, surprising and miraculous ways. thanks for sharing. xoxo

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  11. Beautifully put Mindy. Love how you expressed this with words and paint, it resonates with me so very much. It never ceases to amaze me that artists of all kinds seem speak the same language, because you've reached through this world of cyberspace and touched my heart...I can be in a room full of friends, people who care but none of this would make any sense to them if I tried to put this into words; I accept them for who they are and rejoice that their are kindred spirits in my world who truely understand the humanness that we all share and have in common. Thanks for sharing this so very much.

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  12. your artwork is SO fucking awesome... we all have our own little dark side of the moon. You'll be ok. More than ok. xox

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  13. love this. love you. *deep breath*
    perhaps something is in the air. my stupid voices won't shut up, either, and i'm barely starting...starting from that place that usually stops me from beginning in the first place, pushing through, telling myself "i am an artist" every single day...though these days the voice that doesn't believe is getting louder and even though i paint, i get too uptight, i still operate from lack - not using a pallette or free-flowing paint, but painting from the tubes like i've been wont to do since i grew up hearing things like "don't waste it" over and over again. here. see what i've done? i've written what should have just been a blog post on to itself. forgive my rambles...the voices get me at night, too. because i still have one vice i have yet to replace with a healthy alternative i'm going to go smoke a cigarette and then paint. paint i must.

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