Thursday, October 18, 2012

Eight

I find it increasingly more difficult to come here. The presence I want to embody here isn't about spelling out every detail of my life. Every motion. Every new adventure and move. The thing that is most aching to be seen, is something deeper than that. Its a little girl, who's shy. Who needs to escape from time to time. With "the facebook" as I like to call it, you can get the little glimpses into my travels and comings and goings. New art. So what is this space to me? Its something more sacred I believe. When I say it here, it better be pretty much the most ME than I can make it. This space is about the slowing down. The being still. Forget about making sense. I don't like writing that way. To give my readers everything handed to them. That's like going to watch a blockbuster summer movie. I'm more about the obscure documentary. It might even leave you hanging. I'm not sure this space (or me) is to that point yet, but that's my goal.

I'm the one who likes to talk about Stanley Kubrick. How I watched a documentary on the conspiracy theory that he in fact faked the moon landings. With his expertise in filming 2001: a space odyssey, I would hire him. Did I believe it for a day or so? Yes. Totally convinced. But I also think that Mr. Kubrick is such a genius that maybe, just maybe he wanted you to think he was hired to film and fake the moon landings. (btw, thanks Kym Stromberg for sending me the video) I would put a link to what I watched but its since been deleted. There is this though, that is coming out shortly at Sundance.
But not everyone is interested in hearing about sci-fy crap. Except when I met Lucie at art and soul portland. She and her husband and I, over a couple glasses of wine, talked Kubrick with much enthusiasm.

I am an introvert. You may not know that. I do like being around other folks. I'm a high-functioning introvert.  Sometimes a moment in solitude fills me right up. So if I seem, Not on....I'm not.

I have a thick, southern accent. When I was in Portlandia......um, I mean Portland, I visited with some doggie friends passing by and their parents said "you are a transplant". Yes, I've been mistaken for Aussie and Irish. I know you are jealous.

So I'll leave you here with a poem I wrote at the be present retreat:

Eight
this girl she.....
favors dolls and the frenzy of an arcade on a friday night.
playful quarters.
chaos swirling

she decides that playing hide and seek outside is an escape
crouching and running, she all of a sudden forgets the slamming door.
tires squealing.
screaming voices mean nothing anymore
because the air in her lungs is moving to quickly to pause and ponder

so what if i have to help momma count pennies
roll them up
counting to 50
each one smelling of dirty hands
each holding a silent heartache
the clinking sound
stacking together
until they mean that the tank is filled

the snow comes and holds there for 2 weeks
not melting before Christmas morning, I pray
i watch my little sister laugh and i somehow want to protect her
8
1982
cold







18 comments:

Carolyn Sadowski said...

Nothing I can say will ever top what I just read. You are a treasure and a joy to have in my life! Hugs and LOVE from Jersey!!

Kelly Kilmer said...

Love this for so many reasons!

I'll talk Kubrick and sci-fi any day! ;)

Sam said...

This is absolutely beautiful, Mindy.

I know what you mean about being your most ME self, especially on your blog. And about being a high-functioning introvert. I do so love being around people - everyone is fascinating to me. But then I get worn out!

And talking sci-fi stuff is fun! I love that you are passionate about what you love, no matter what that may be. I have embraced sci-fi stuff (because my husband loves it, and it's fun to develop new interests). For years I thought I didn't like fantasy and sci-fi but guess what? I do!

Lesley Riley said...

Beautiful poem, Mindy. I'm so glad we had a bit of time together at breakfast in Portland. We talked about just this thing - the blog being public.

Well this is so raw and real, I think you've done what you set out to do. Be totally and utterly you. And that's what makes you a successful and sought-after artist & teacher.

I was at Michael's today and forgot to go look at the neon paint....darn.
Much love~

curious girl (lisa) said...

oh this is just so lovely and honest and real. it's you. it's why i love you.

valeri blossom said...

i'm also a high functioning introvert and it takes a lot out of me. and you know we could talk kubrick for hours, too. i love that you've found others. ha! i will finish reading later (must head out) - just wanted to say i am so excited to read the rest of your words because every time i pull back from my blog it's because it's been all wrong. but i am only now shaping it into an essential piece of who i really am, not who i'm pretending to be :)

Kristin said...

Oh my goodness!
You have such a way of expressing yourself - and your poem is absolutely beautiful - the way you then translated it into a painting is equally impressive. I LOVE the rolled pennies bit, I've totally been there as a kid too.
Thank you for your kind words and support - YES - I do expect we'll meet again - and hopefully soon.
Much Love, Kristin xoxo

Gloria said...

Dear Mindy,
I am sitting in coffee shop and it was kinda like you were here with me when I was reading your post. So sweet and I miss you friend. I hope we see eachother again..I love you
G

Sasha said...

oh my, this is so real and honest and raw and beautiful...thank you for sharing the pieces of you that help the rest of feel 'me too' and 'i'm not alone'.

and sci-fi Kubrick sounds fun but i especially enjoy the Disney stories when you act out the characters (wink)

valeri blossom said...

okay, have to chime in just once more to say that the dirty hands has stayed with me. such a powerful twist on the hands that smell like { dirty } money. which came first...circular....round and round.

Tammie Lee said...

I so agree, blogs are more intimate than FB.

i loved your post.... your poem, my heart leaned forward with each word

so lovely to learn more about you.

Kelly Zarb said...

Thankyou so much for just BEING YOU!!! this is one of the reason why I read your blog and will keep reading your blog you inspire others to know that it is OK to just be YOU..

Micki Wilde said...

LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Carmen said...

Just discovered you via Nicole's blog and I will definitely be back. This post left such a smile on my face! I agree totally with how you describe your blog/FB.

wanda miller said...

now you hit a common chord with so many of us, you doll! i have been having so many of these feelings lately and have not posted nearly as often. THEN i decided to post my afterschool kids painting while i was at work, THEN read how people use these photos for perverted reasons, so i deleted that last post, ho hum and hmmm...love your poem, LOVE! and shall be doing more of these things more often than not. thank you for this beautiful post and reading our hearts and minds! xoxo

Lynda M. Metcalf said...

What a beautiful post, Mindy. I love coming here and seeing your art, reading your words. I'm excited to see what evolves!

Susie said...

Mindy, you posses a beautiful soul and your heart is in that just right place, that place that is so real and so true, your words whispered softly to me, gentle wisdom to be held close, until it opens itself and reminds me to listen to my own voice, to my own truth and also that this special place where we all can reach across the miles, be in a little corner of each others lives is a wondrous gift and I am so grateful that you are in the world, your art and words, thank you so very much! xxooxx

michelle gd said...

this is so lovely...