Wednesday, November 21, 2012

my heart

We lost Dudley this past Sunday morning. Saturday night he experienced a seizure that left him gasping for air and foaming at the mouth. We rushed him to the ER vet and they put him under seizure watch to see if he had another one and what exactly it looked like. They called us at 3:00 am sunday and said that he'd had another and that he was having a hard time breathing. We asked the vet if it was her dog what would she do and she said that he was suffering and to put him through surgery or anymore testing would be hard on him. We had to say goodbye. just 3 weeks after losing my Cosmo. I can't really describe these last few weeks. I think when the hurt is so bad, you instinctively turn to nature. The little becomes big. The minute, amplified.



I wrote this 2 days before we lost Dudley. To help explain my pain for losing Cosmo.
but really can you? i tried.

my heart
Alertness beckons beautifully in the mist of the unknown
with each leaf rustle, i feel the pain of letting go.
Amplified and stunning....my mind keeps repeating "no"
and it hurts like hell

It was only a few days of suffering for him
seeing him dwindle away
Life became fragile
I held him close and breathed him in
so I could take on some of his being.

to bottle it up in my lungs and repair it and breathe
it back into him.
i feel his spirit so keenly.
my body ached as if something came in and robbed it
of part of my own essence

the knowing of loss
it is not something missing
but something now embedded so deep that the
sky takes on a different kind of blue.
a blue that is so stunning and clear
that it hurts my eyes

i can still feel his fur on my cheek.
oh he is still here
a light that only flickered for a moment
until he was transformed into something brighter
than his physical presence.

for Cosmo and Dudley



my sunshine.

A beautiful gift from the talented Micki Wilde
When I opened this painting, we cried.
A perfect memory and tribute to the kid, my pood.
Thank you Micki. Words can't express how blessed I am
to hang this on his altar....
near the santa suit, green frog, poodle papers, and collar.

21 comments:

Jennifer said...

my dear friend. sending you so much love during this time. there are no words that can explain or express what you are going through but the words you wrote are so eloquent and beautiful. I love you deeply and am sending you an emormous hug. xoxo

Celina Wyss said...

Oh Mindy, sending you so much love sweet girl. My heart hurts for you. Wish there was something I could do. xoxo

Micki Wilde said...

Hugs for you my friend, you know my thoughts are with you right now x

The Creative Beast said...

I am so sorry to hear that you have lost two beloved souls in a matter of weeks =-( I am glad to hear that you have created an altar to honor your adorable dogs - I think it is a wise thing to do =-)

Kasha Rolley said...

I am so soryy for your loss, I know how hard and painful it is to lose a beloved fury member of your family. Cosmo and Dudley must be together now, having a good time.

Lynda M. Metcalf said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, Mindy. Sending you big hugs. Your poem is a wonderful tribute to your furry children.

Anonymous said...

Oh Mindy, I can't believe this sad news. After reading one then the other, I am so sad for you. My sincere wishes for healing.
Linda

donnaj said...

Sorry for the loss of your fur babies. We lost one of ours on mon. She had almost 19 yrs~only time makes it better.

Steph said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. We are sending positive thoughts your way.

Ruth said...

oh my, I feel your loss! We have lost 3 dogs in the past couple of years and my daughters Yorkie, Chloe, My Grandogger! So So sad.

Susie said...

oh sweet Mindy. I feel every word and thought and I'm letting my own tears fall for you, I can't help it. I am so very sorry, it's the kind of hurt that hits us so hard in our tenderest place and I've no doubt you are still hurting deeply for Cosmo. I don't have the right words at this moment just know my heart is wide open for you and I understand.

Anonymous said...

So very sad - at least they are together...

Cassandra said...

I'm sorry for your loss. The video of him is adorable.

Hugs to you my friend.

lotush2o said...

Mindy~ Your words are so wise and beautiful. Wishing you a steady flow of light, healing and love, always.
~ Hilda D.

Kareen said...

OHHH, I know your pain. I rencently lost my "Razz" to the big C. He was only 11yrs. I was just comforted by the fact that I could be with him on his final day on earth. Still miss his face.

Take care

jenart said...

Mindy I am so sad for your loss. I cannot imagine losing two loves so close together. 3 months ago my sweet girl of 16yrs had to leave us - my heart is still broken. Your video is so beautiful. You are in my thoughts as I hold my precious ones close to me.... Jenny in South Africa xxx

Magenta said...

Mindy, so very sorry to hear about your sweet guys. I know this pain, there is none like it, feels like your heart is crushed or will break in thousands of pieces. Take time for yourself and your memories. Hugs jan x

martha brown said...

Oh, I feel so sad for you.... I can't believe that you lost them so close together. Heal well....

tammie said...

oh mindy, i am so sorry for your loss. i can only keep imagining them playing together up in doggie heaven. take care. xo.

K8 said...

oh dear. I feel embarrassed that I'm just reading/commenting on this now... but wanted to let you know how very sorry I am for you. xoxo

Geisslein said...

such a sad post - made me tears in my eyes. I´ve lost my dog 6 weeks ago...it still hurts. greetings from Germany, geisslein